My MC's death scene got absolutely ripped apart at my writing group

I was at Panera last Tuesday and my critique group tore into my big emotional death scene. They said it felt flat because I told them the character was sad instead of showing their hands shaking or the silence in the room. So I went home and rewrote it focusing on a single torn photograph she was holding and the clock ticking on the wall. Next meeting three people said it made them tear up. Has anyone else had one small detail fix a whole scene?

2 comments

2 Comments

ninal911mo ago

Oh that torn photograph detail got me. I used to think you had to just describe feelings directly, like "she was heartbroken" or "he felt empty." That seemed honest and straightforward. But then I had a scene where my character found out her husband died, and I wrote about how long it took her to unclench her jaw. That was the only physical thing I mentioned, no internal monologue about grief. Three people at my next meeting told me that line alone made them cry. Now I try to do that with every emotional moment, just one small concrete object or action that carries all the weight.

theas941mo ago

People are acting like this is some groundbreaking discovery but really its just basic showing versus telling that gets taught in every intro to creative writing class. Thats not a bad thing, it works, but I dont think one detail is going to save a scene if the whole foundation is shaky. Maybe your group was just being nice the second time around because you seemed so crushed after the first session. Ive seen people swap out one word and get told its a masterpiece when really everyone just felt bad for them. Not saying thats what happened here, but it happens more than writers want to admit. The torn photograph trick is fine for a quick fix but it doesnt make up for a plot that feels rushed or a death scene that came out of nowhere. Sometimes a scene just needs a full rewrite, not one shiny object to distract everyone.